Kiss From a Rose

Beautiful

DESPITE ALL...

DESPITE
ALL.....

I CHOSE
LIFE....

Despite
my senses that are sleeping by the routine....

Despite
the apathy that seems to be winning everywhere....

Despite
all the troubles that emerge from a hidden place....

Despite
my failures, my sins, my falls....

Despite
my sleeping illusions and internal ghosts that are trying to possess my
soul....

Despite
the invented smile that I sometimes need to create....

Despite
all the truths and lies I have to keep quiet....

Despite
all my flaws, my anger, my rage, my eternal fears ....

Despite
that cry from my soul and that I am hiding under the blanket of my
cowardice....

Despite
my past that always returns to remind me of my human
nature....

Despite
the anguish that drills my head....

Despite
the lack of energy, the wasted years, my fights, my wounds....


Despite
all of that… I chose life!!!....

Die dreaming, Dream dying...

This is the fourth blog I write about this. Have help me deal with the pressure. Thanks for reading, the ones that do and care.

No, we are not at war against other country, it is just the cruel reallity of a place on this blue rock called earth that is living the worst days ever, close the the American dream, but not there yet, yes we are not in Iran, Afganistan, but our casualties have been worts...no, not fighting for freedom, but to see who controls the drup traffic to the US. Everyday in Chihuahua, in Juarez, something is killed, someone is killed.
Not only men and women, and sometimes children, die. Our faith is killed, our hope is corrupted, our dreams are perverted...too many thigs die...we die dreaming, we dream dying...not only the death are death, also the living are slowly dying without noticing it.
There is not sanctity on death. Death is just the lack of life, like darkness is the lack of light, there is cold, lack of heat, evil and without God. We are beginning to die, and the worst thing is that we are dying in a terrible way. Yes, there are diffent ways to die as well as there are to live. We are dying in a perpetual and useless blodbath; we are dying of anguish, of desolation, of fear...of shame. We are dying now because of our miseries, plunge in desperation.
Recently I hear that I should live the dream...but in our situation I feel like I die dreaming, I dream dying...
But my hope is not corrupted.

Secure World?

I am going to try to be as clear as I can, trying to express what I want to say, so please don´t be so critical (I mean the 2 or 3 people that read this blog, if I am that lucky). Well, saying that, and with the clearness that results from being awake all night, waiting like a condemned man as he is about to receive its sentence. Going to write about what I feel and think. Lately I have had the horrible sensation that we have been educated to live in blindness and deafness, submissive to a series of farces just to make believe this form of life is suitable to us, as long as we live in comfort, everything is fine.
That is why is easy to create insecurities among people, because is hard to choose between being compromise or keep his/her comfort. Also it is easy to control and insecure person, by the simple reason that he/she will never choose, because of fear, to risk the comfort…the fear caused by indecision…the fear of losing what we have…we prefer to be blind and deaf…but that doesn’t mean the injustice, the wrong doing is not there.
There is an old saying here: “better the bad we already know, that the good we don’t know”, pretty much simplifies the thinking of modern day…never to make a decision…never to make a mistake…never learn…and all what this thinking means.
Doubts create insecurity, insecurities create distrust, and distrusts create fear…fear creates control minds.
It isn’t hard to create insecurity, but it is hard to access to it again once it has been lost. That is why leaders will sacrifice their subordinates before they can gain enough power to become leaders by themselves. I secure person is a powerful being, but an insecure one is easily control. Fear and violence are powerful enemies to face.
Gandhi once said: “Violence is just one way to show the little or no confidence you have over yourself, making fear a tool to get what you want”. Seems that is the tool use in many places of our world today…sadly, one half of the world is suffering from it, but it is even more sad that the other half is just blind and deaf, or pretend to be, about it.
Have a lot of doubts and…I am afraid…maybe a paradox, but also secure of myself…just need to do the right thing…

If you heard bad things about me....

Have you talked with your neighbors, family or friends lately
I've been trying to do that more lately...
People heard things...
Did you hear about those guys that killed 211.

By the way, you should have a wonderful memory to remember that many crimes.

Well, one neighbor told me that one of those guys worked just around the corner, at a tortilla factory. Says the also worked at other place just to earn more income, but it was surprised to hear he killed that many people.

Could be?

A while ago a friend told me that certain government official was appointed to a big position (I am so coward to give names) just to see if he can negotiate with the drug cartel, because he wanted the State of Chihuahua to suffer the same fate as in Colombia, that the federal government has not been acting so in can affect the state electoral process of 2010

Could be?

On Thursday I took the bus to my job, and there was a 70 year old man, white hair, talking about the killing of the 18 young men killed at a drug rehab center the night before. He also talked about the weather, and also that the government does nothing right, except for fucking the people...he said that close to his house a young junkie was killed,and that the soldiers only said one less to worried about.

Could be?

Then I heard about Reyes Ferriz, Juarez mayor, was showing of that he was solving the violence problem, asking the army not to leave town. I wonder if he knows what means to live in this city. A friend from high school told me her parents are his neighbors in El Paso Texas, on the other side of the Rio Grande, and that they call him Joe. (Joe Kings Happy?)

Could be?

It is said the President Calderon was fighting the small drug traffic that happens specially at the schools.

I don't see nothing

All I see is 6 local police men detaining a couple of junkies that can hardly be on their feet and a couple of blocks ahead a young drug dealer selling handful of cocaine doses...at plain day light...Cops and soldiers are close...don't see nothing?

Denounce? No, of course not. Family and friends are at risk. Who can I trust? What authority? The one that live in El Paso? or at the state Capital? or at Mexico City? of maybe the one in Washington?...To much to ask right...

Seems like the only choice is to get together as citizens of this city, to ask for the state to do their job...not easy I know...And really risky...

Still, I see people doing more and more...Maybe I am a foolish optimistic, but I see more and more people worried and busy to do something...to do the right thing.

Maybe there are more on this

Could be?

Have faith