Kill me if you are killed.

"I no longer stay at the bars when closed, I don't over limit my self anymore, the love songs seem to be more sad", that is a song by Spanish singer Joaquin Sabina in which my actual condition can be describe. I have had fun, had enjoyed life, but there is no need to be at bars and cantinas to find some passion, I think. I´m not against that, in fact I push my younger brother to have fun once in a while, and I do that too. But lately it is not the same.

I suppose the same concern can not be shared by the parents of Manuel Chuka and Priscila Ibarra, now that the young couple was killed, victim of this non-sense violence we live here.

14 and 12 years old. Buried together, to symbolized the love they had for each other. At least they died loving, which is more that many could say. When I read the note, and as I am writing this lines, I have to make a deep effort not to cry and scream this impotence I feel. I must remember the people that is close to me, living, to domain this rage that is filling my stomach, my arms, my mouth, my mind, but must be calm because rage is a bad adviser.

I am only thinking on all the things I have lived and they will not. At 14 years must likely I would died in love too. But they would not know what is to leave home to chase a dream, arrived to a strange place without knowing what new things will appear, if they choose the left road or the right road. They never know what is to have a blast party at a bar so good that is hard to close it and leave it to go home, ahh, when we have to make friends with the owners and hostess just to have a little more time in it. I wonder if they would be able to hear that beautiful sound of blues and jazz every time their heart is broken. If they could make that terrible mistake, assume the consequences and move on. At 14 years I was not aware of that freedom. How far would they go to discover that wonderful world of human sexuality? They won't have that joy of hugging their love ones, parents, children, grandchildren and realize in it that there are reasons to live. How are they going to discover the thousand reasons to live if they have been killed?

I wish I could write a long list of all the thing that were taken from them. But I can't, I don't like to cry because I feel vulnerable, and that is a luxury I can't afford right now.

I must do what is right, keep talking. We need to get strong.

I can not be mad just when is someone close to me suffer this, can't imagine this happening to someone I love, friend or family. Many have died, and I have participated on the march and rallies of protest. But seems like all of us have gone to do what is need just to stay alive.

But the deaths haven't stopped. Why? What is the sacred, patriotic or right cause that took their lives?

It is said that we are at war, and that we are wining. Really? It is said that we are wining the war against the Drug Cartels, but that is not a country, nor a man, nor a movement, that is nothing. If they were fighting they could get them if they do their job right. But they don't.

As citizens we are outrage, but then we get use to it. Seen the 10 killing a day as something normal. But it isn't.

Have been called by friends asking me if I knew someone in the list of deaths of today.

List of deaths !?!?!?

Where do we live?

What has been done to this land?

How do we let this to happen?

My solution is still the same, do the right thing:
“Cowardice asks the question, 'Is it safe?' Expediency asks the question, 'Is it politic?' But conscience asks the question, 'Is it right?' And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular but because conscience tells one it is right.” Martin Luther King Jr.

This is just the beginning of something that neither Victor, not Priscila, not many others will see, because they have been killed, who knows, maybe me neither. It will keep happening if we don't do something.

Every time I am on the streets of this city, I look the people around me, children, young, adult, old...love ones, strangers...and I wonder...Who have to be killed so I can act and do the right thing?

P.D. Sorry, but I am tired or writing and talking about the death...but ignoring this doesn't mean it will stop.

REFLECTION

REFLECTION

Can you believe it!?!? Another day has ended, a long day, full of unfinished plans, with a really tired mind by those futile intents, with a vitality not seen, you just finished trying to fix the mess of your life, trying to make that big change you are waiting to happen. And you do the same things every day, there is nothing that push you anymore, have been trying to get ride of the useless things, but speaking of what you have and have left I wonder one thing: where is your sensibility for life? Where is your love for it?

I wonder of those fingers that never get tired of writing, of those hands that look for a pencil, for that paper that shrivels if you did not take it, of those orthographical errors that you need to check, of that insatiable wish to give a little of you, of that faith that use to make you tremble just by hearing it, of that thirst of hearing new ideas and finding new friends, of that necessity to defend your opinions and others. I wonder where that author is. The creator of your own life…

Where are you? You have been lost, you do not realize the time lost without been yourself, you have left aside your hart, and now all you reflect in that dirty mirror is the skepticism towards you, all your insecurities, all because you wanted to fit in a world that prefers selfishness over justice, that rejects the individuality, the beauty of the human being. The sad part, you lost that individuality, and became what you hate.

Remember when no one expected a change and you do, that is what matters. You need to recuperate what has been lost in you, to start again, recuperate yourself, not being a copy of the others. Have to clean your soul and become what you once believe. I did not like your reflection, you look so tired, so old. That is why I need to tell you, you can write, you can wish, you can feel, you can love, you can be hurt, you can laugh, you can smile, you have the courage but most important…you can still be your self.

I am your mirror and I reflect you, just told you what your reflection is.

Be Happy.

There is no recipe for happiness, but we must always try to find it. I believe there are 3 things we must have and do.

Faith

It doesn't matter what your beliefs are, have to keep your convictions strong. Faith is believe in what you think, in what you say and in what you do. It is the energy that pushes you in life. It is what nourish your soul. If you don't believe, you are nothing. Have faith.

Strength

It is the motor that moves you projects. The machinery that helps you remove all the obstacles, no matter how tough they are. The muscle that picks you up when you are down and the character that doesn't let you surrender against adversity. Have Strength

Search

Now that you have Faith and strength, you are in the position of searching for happiness. There are people in this world that are always waiting for a moment, an event or someone to be happy, however, happiness does not come from outside, it is with in you (Nothing, No one will make you happy if you are not happy by yourself). Search it from inside and reflect it to the outside. It is possible that many things that makes you happy you already have them, you just need to stop for a moment and look around you. Once you are happy, you will make the people that you love happy.
Be happy

IN DREAMS

When the moon returns
and the wings of Morpheus
touch your mind and mine
and the mist
surround the fantasy,
the legend is created,
and transform in reality...

In the hallways of our sleep,
without time nor space,
our essences touch,
look and love each other,
they talk and stay quiet,
they become one
in an ethereal complicity

No one in this world
is witness
of this spectral adventure.

With eyes wide shut
and a paused respiration
no one suspects of our encounter.

Sleeping and unconscious
we emerge
and the unconsciousness
becomes more conscious
in this world of dreams

From time to time
this drama repeats itself
and we both wake up
with a blush in our cheeks
a tickling in our sex
and a deep concern in the day.

We fool everyone around us,
but in secret we yearn for
this dream to become true,
any night,
to feel what we don't have.

But we have to be quiet
and in silence we know
that in dreams
we love each other
and when we open our eyes in the morning
no one knows why,
we whistle and smile...

Somedays we just need to feel like...

Superman